She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
