her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
