The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
