The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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