we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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