I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
