Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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