you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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