I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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