I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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