Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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