i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
