wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
