I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
