I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
