I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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