You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
