ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize