I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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