why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
