found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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