walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
