3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
