Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
