i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
