Kiss
Puke
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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