The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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