I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
