So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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