I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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