During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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