I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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