So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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