I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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