hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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