i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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