My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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