At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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