At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
