i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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