Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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