He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
