Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
