operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
