For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize