Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
