That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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