I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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