I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i believe in u and ur pee
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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