Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize