I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
