my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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