Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
