why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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