it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
