It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
ttyl tear gas
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
