never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My cat gives me a boner
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
