im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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