Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
