I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
