I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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