he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
