I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
