his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
