I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
