I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
