I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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