is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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