new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
